I'm Repenting (Really)

μετάνοια is transliterated as metanoia.  It's Greek for "to put behind/after one's mind."  We translate it commonly as "repentance." 

Telling someone that you're "sorry" might do the trick at first but if you've really hurt them, they're going to watch to see if your actions match your words; to trust is a different decision than to forgive, as it should be.  Sometimes demonstrating that you're sorry requires an apology (literally a suitable defense of your actions) or that you make someone whole for the loss you've caused.  But you simply can't actually be sorry without repenting.

I've been reading 1 Thessalonians again recently.  Near the middle of chapter 5, Paul urges the church in Thessaloniki to "...encourage one another and build one another up..."  When I read that section, I was hit with two powerful ideas, one right after another.  The first thing that hit me is how much I enjoy encouraging people.  It really brings me joy, and I never cease to be amazed at how a few thoughtful, observant words of encouragement can fill someone's sails.  

But the other thing I became aware of was my tendency to criticize in a harsh way.  I feel worse when I do that. I enjoy encouraging, but if I don't guard myself, that mode can actually devolve into the rottenness of condemnation.  Ironically, I end up perverting the good with its evil twin.  

And that's how sin works - it's often simply disgusting mockery or direct counter of something good. 

  
Sadly, this blog has made it easier for me to sin with harsh criticism.  I haven't at all used it as a tool for encouragement.  What a wasted opportunity.  Through it, I had hoped to share, to analyze, to discuss, to hear, to understand, to consider political, ethical, and economic issues with friends.  While I'm not backing away from the messages themselves, I'm pretty sure the spirit of my messages has driven some friends away - not necessarily because I was harsh with them, but with their ideas and the people they respect.  Oh, maybe I've not really driven them away, as in they'll avoid me on the street (at least not anymore than they normally would) but I've created relational distance between people I care about and myself.  Maybe it can be repaired, and maybe it can't.  That's pretty sad. 

So, let me say loud and clear to each of you whom I've offended: I'm sorry, and I intend to work to put that rotten mode of harshly criticizing and condemning behind me in favor of encouraging you and others.  Maybe you'd even consider sending me a message or - how about this for old fashioned - calling me up, to let me know that I hurt you.  It'd be better if I could ask for your forgiveness directly.  Either way, know that I regret offending you and I'm going to try to do better.